b3n
b3n`s hosting
Austrian uptime enjoyers club
Uptime flex mode: ON

Austrian web hosting with more uptime than a certain CLOWN themed CDN.

b3n`s hosting is simple: I host your Austrian website on bare-metal nerd infrastructure, obsess over uptime, and give you a 100% money-back guarantee if I don’t beat that certain CLOWN themed CDN.

1000€ / year – host my site Read the unapologetically simple SLA

✅ Any Austrian website – personal, business, NGO, weird side-project.

✅ 100% money back if annual uptime is lower than a certain CLOWN themed CDN.

✅ No upsells. No mystery fees. Just uptime and grumpy reliability.

Status · b3n`s hosting

Non-distributed, highly pampered servers.

All systems operational
Last 12 months uptime > 99.99%
Target vs. a certain CLOWN themed CDN Beat or refund 100%
Scope Any Austrian website

Refund logic, human readable:

If annual uptime for your site drops below what a certain CLOWN themed CDN publicly reports for that same period, you get your 1000€ back. No tickets lost in limbo. No legalese boss fight.

Why this is hilariously overkill

Built for Austrian sites that would like to exist tomorrow as well.

Uptime flex

Proactive monitoring, boring hardware, boring networking, boring configuration. In reliability, “boring” beats “shiny” every single time.

Austria-first hosting

Focus on Austrian websites, law, and latency. Your bits stay near where your coffee is brewed.

Zero nonsense pricing

1000€ / site / year. No bandwidth tiers, no “per request” roulette, no “surprise, you went viral” bill.

Simple SLA · aggressively straightforward

Beat a certain CLOWN themed CDN or pay nothing.

The uptime benchmark is the publicly reported uptime of a certain CLOWN themed CDN for the same period.

Your site is monitored independently. If availability over a rolling 12-month window is lower than that benchmark, you get a 100% refund of your annual fee.

No credits, no “you must spend it on more services”, just your money back.

  • • Scheduled maintenance announced in advance is excluded (obviously).
  • • DDoS attacks big enough to make the news are negotiated like adults.
  • • If you break your app, that’s on you — but I’ll happily help debug.

Single plan · because choice is overrated

1000€ per year · per website

For any Austrian website that wants uptime treated as a hobby and a sport.

  • • Hosting for one Austrian website
  • • Monitoring & incident response
  • • SLA benchmarked against a certain CLOWN themed CDN
  • • 100% money-back guarantee if benchmark not met
  • • Access to all support channels below
Start via Ticket (chaos.social)

Billing yearly, in advance. Invoices with real numbers and zero buzzwords.

Support · same channels as the big kids

Matching the support options of that certain CLOWN themed CDN – but with more personality.

Tickets

chaos.social

Open a ticket by pinging me on chaos.social. Async, nerd-friendly, and searchable.

Community forum

r/selfhosted on Reddit

Public questions, nerd debates, and configuration show-and-tell with other self-hosting humans.

Chat

Matrix chat

Real-time chat for incidents, questions, and “is it just me or…” debugging sessions.

Tiny FAQ

Do you really offer more uptime than a certain CLOWN themed CDN?

That is the explicit goal, and the refund guarantee keeps me honest. If they win, you don’t pay.

Is this only for Austrian websites?

Yes, the offer is focused on Austrian sites (and people who like that vibe) so I can tune everything for that context.

How do I get started?

Click the button above to open a ticket via chaos.social, describe your current setup, and we’ll migrate or deploy your site.